A Team Fortress 2 Story
by TheBuggiest
Summary: Follow our nameless narrator's fantastic adventures as she finds her calling on the battlefield and argues with mysterious "class spirit" voices. Not your typical fan-fiction.
1. Medic Origins

A friend of mine who's made a delightful comic series featuring TF2 suggests that it's the class that chooses the player and not the other way around. Now this idea got me to thinking about my own origins in TF2. I tried to come up with a good story to illustrate why I started playing Medic, and it brought me to realize something: absolutely NOTHING interesting happened when I first started out. Seriously. I started playing him after trying out most of the classes, and it just worked with what I was good at (though it didn't hurt that I'd seen his "Meet the" video before I started playing. So much awesome…) My point is that unlike most origin stories, this one is going to start in the middle instead of the beginning, because it took me a while to realize that there was no escaping my Medic-y destiny.

It all started during a round of Attack/Defend in Dustbowl. We were on the last stage, attacking the final control point, and time was ticking down fast. It was kind of funny watching our Demomen and Soldiers keep running around the corner straight at their Level 3 sentries, if you liked watching people almost die over and over again while accomplishing nothing. Meanwhile I was doing my job as a Medic: healing them up as soon as they staggered back, bleeding and probably a little cross-eyed, before they charged again. I think we had thirty seconds left when I realized that I'd reached Über.

The rest was pretty simple. I jumped down behind our Heavy (who'd just kind of been sitting there going DURRR) and activated the charge. In no time we were charging for the point, mowing down Engineers and laughing at how the bullets just bounced off of us. We captured the point as soon as the charge wore off, the clock having just ticked down to zero.

It felt pretty good for a few seconds. Until, you know, the Heavy said something along the lines of "that was ALL me" over voice chat. And the other team members didn't dispute it.

It's not that I cared THAT much. It's a game, they wouldn't have won without me, and I knew it. But it did wake me up to an all important fact: that thing people say about Medics getting no respect despite having a difficult and rather integral job? Yeah. That's not whining, it's true. Well maybe it is still whining, I dunno.

The point is that the downsides of being Medic became a lot more prevalent after that. Stuff like Snipers yelling for Medic as they leave spawn, Heavies eating their sandviches WHILE you're healing them and you have less than half your life left, Soldiers you've been following rocket-jumping off so you have to fend for yourself, the constant screams of MEDIC MEDIC MEEEEDIIIIC… Oh, and did I mention the fact that everyone on the enemy team sets their sights on you first? That lab coat might as well be a billboard with an arrow pointing down at you labeled SHOOT HERE GUYS! I KEEP EVERYONE ELSE ALIVE!

It shouldn't surprise you that I decided to take a break.

So I started playing Sniper and Engineer on occasion, which was an adventure in and of itself. I mean, playing Engineer is one of the saddest things ever when your stuff gets destroyed constantly, though it's pretty great when you find a nice spot for a sentry. And Sniper… well I die a lot as Sniper, but give me the right map, a good team, and jarate and I'll do all right.

Which brings me to that fateful day on Gravelpit.

I'd been sniping from just beside spawn near that last control point for a while, and it was working pretty well for me. Of course, that's when I checked our team composition and found out that two other people had switched to Sniper too. For a split second I considered just letting the team deal with having three Snipers and not worrying about it, when that not-so-little voice in my head assaulted me.

_Zhis is UNACCEPTABLE! Your team has no Medics, and you are going to continue being a mediocre Sniper? Vhat do you haff to say for yourself?_

I rebutted as best as I could. "But— but they don't appreciate me, mate! They go out on suicide charges and just expect me ta prance after them to my death, and no one remembers to thank me for it!"

_Zho? Iz zhat vhy you play TF2, to be recognized? You are here to help your team-mates regardless of zhe cost, Dummkopf! How are you ever going to help zhem vin if you stay up here by spawn?_

Now that was just unfair. "Well maybe I don't want ta help people that aren't gonna look out for me. When I'm a Medic, just about anyone else who's runnin' around in the battlefield can take me out in a foight. At least this way I'm up outta the action, AND I can still kill people."

_Ach, you HAFF weapons you know. If you are zho worried about not being able to defend yourself, zhen perhaps it's time to equip zhat Blutsauger you haven't used yet._

"But—"

_GO, SCHNELL!_

And so I found myself Medic-ing once again, shiny new Blutsauger in hand and a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach as I thought of all the wonderful ways I was probably going to die out there today.

It went, well, about how I'd imagined it was going to go. Lots of healing Scouts and Demomen and Soldiers who bailed on me as soon as they were buffed, Heavies neglecting their jobs as meat-shields, etc. But it wasn't like I wasn't expecting it. No matter how much I'd complained before, I knew that you just had to suck it up and take it as part of being Medic. And Mister Obnoxious Voice did have a point; I was doing a pretty good job helping the team out there.

So after a while I respawned after dying, again, to find that there was no one else around and no teleporter. And all of my teammates were at the other end of the map fighting over the furthest control point. That meant a long trek all by myself through enemy territory. Gulp.

I set off, heart thumping wildly, as I scanned my environment for potential threats. A Spy I could probably deal with, as I'd gotten pretty good at recognizing them at that point, but if it was a Soldier or heaven forbid a Pyro, well, my chances of survival were pretty slim. But as my goal got closer and closer and nothing popped up, I started to relax a little. Maybe I was going to make it. Maybe I'd get to my team soon and we'd actually OH CRAP THAT'S A HEAVY!

He came lumbering out from over a hill, and it was like I'd never before noticed just how HUGE those guys are. His minigun (mini, yeah right) hadn't been spun up yet, but there was no way he hadn't seen me. And at the moment, it didn't seem I had anywhere to hide.

I started shooting at him as he opened fire. I did the best I could to stay out of his spray of bullets, weaving back and forth and running backwards, but my life was still going down and I couldn't keep this up forever even with the Blutsauger healing me as I landed syringes, and… and…

And he fell over dead.

I couldn't believe it. I mean, I've killed things by myself before as Medic, usually Spies, Engineers looking for ammo, Spies, the occasional Sniper or unaware Scout, and Spies. But this was a HEAVY, and I'd gunned him down alone. How… that wasn't… I didn't…

I may or may not have started to laugh maniacally at this point. It was just so SATISFYING. People think Medics are easy prey, that they can't defend themselves. I'd started to think it myself. And now, lying at my feet, was proof otherwise. It was with a considerably lighter heart that I found myself running to my teammates. There were people to be healed after all.

Our team might have won that round; I really can't remember much of what happened after that point. What I do remember is that my Blutsauger and I managed to take down two more Heavies that day.

Thank you Mister Obnoxious Voice. I owe you one.


	2. A Quick Game of Harass the Engineer

If you've ever played as Engineer on Team Fortress 2, this scenario should sound painfully familiar.

You're hauling a building up to the next control point. Everyone on the team is ahead of you because they're just not patient enough to make sure you and that spiffy fully-upgraded teleporter don't get gibbed or sniped or burned into a billion flaming pieces. It doesn't matter though, because the point's in view now. They've got the other team occupied; no one's going to slip past and—

_Fwwsh._

You spin around, heart pounding at the sound of a decloaking Spy. "SPAH 'ROUND HERE!" you call, but of course everyone's too busy to take notice. Crap. Well if you get backstabbed that teleporter is just so much loose ammunition for the Spy to pick up. You put it down and get out your shotgun, edging toward the nearest wall so he can't get in a backstab. Your eyes flick left and right as you wait for anything unusual to happen.

And then, running straight at you, is a Sniper. Not searching for a good sniping spot, not looking to see if you've set up a dispenser somewhere, just coming at you like you won't see through that disguise in an instant.

Two or three shots later, and the other team's Spy is dead at your feet. It's almost insulting really; did he think that was going to work? People don't just RUN at you unless there's a reason anyways. Feeling marginally more confident, you move to pick up your teleporter again.

And then the enemy Demoman that slipped past your friends blows you and your machine to smithereens with a few well-placed grenades. "THAT'S A RIGHT PRETTY BRA-WASHER YA BUILT, YOU BIG UGLY GIRL!"

Add in the obligatory whines of your teammates about a lack of dispensers while you're respawning, and you've got a typical day in the life of a particularly unlucky Engineer. At least, that's what Engineering felt like when I first tried it out. I built something, they blew it up, and I died. Over and over again.

Now if you read the first chapter of this ongoing saga, you'll know that I started playing Engineer a while back to, uh, take a break from being a Medic. I finally did get the hang of finding spots for sentries and not dying so much, but before long it was back to my solemn duties of keeping teammates alive (and shooting anyone I thought I could take on in the face with syringes, because that's fun too.) At any rate I had some first-hand experience in the 'horrible things that happen to Engineers on a regular basis' department when that round of CTF Turbine happened.

It was one of those games where everything was going so wrong for me that I just felt like being a derp until the round was over. After respawning for what was probably the twelfth time and not having a Medic buddy to run out with, I decided to take a detour through the intel room instead of heading right out into the open. Sure it wasn't likely there'd be anyone there to buff, but it would keep me from running out to the brawl IMMEDIATELY and getting a crocket to the face for my trouble. So I headed down the stairs, glanced at our Engineer's set up, and headed out the door.

That was about the time I started to hear gunshots, which was really confusing because there weren't any enemy REDs around. I looked up and saw that the Engineer was running at me with his shotgun out, looking pretty ticked off. He was the one firing.

_Ach, he zhinks you are a Spy,_ came that familiar voice-in-my-head. I've taken to calling him Mister Obnoxious Voice, though that probably isn't his proper title. Either way, he sounded really annoyed. _Just shoot some syringes into zhe wall zho he knows— VHAT ARE YOU DOING?!_

Giggling hysterically, I started running in circles through the two doors of the intel room without firing or looking back at the Engineer. The poor paranoid guy kept chasing me, his suspicions apparently confirmed. "THAT MEDIC'S A SPAH!"

_Engineer-baiting? Zhis is completely unacceptable! You are going to haff ozzer teammates confused as to your identity!_

"Oh don't be such a baby. I've not been doing zhe team much good anyvays; I might as vell haff some fun." I turned to run past the Engie, jump over the railing, and make a beeline for the intel.

_What did you just say to me?!_ but I wasn't listening. Turning to face the Engineer (who was probably about to have a heart attack), I ran straight to the intelligence, circling the little point it was on so he could tell I wasn't able to pick it up.

The Engineer stopped and just stared at me for a second. Then he shot me point blank with his shotgun, clearly irritated, and went back to his dispenser. Somewhere deep down in my silly derping heart, I knew I deserved it. I mean, friendly fire wasn't on so it didn't do any damage, but… you know what I mean.

_Now if you are done vasting time und ozer people's ammunition—_ grated out Mister Obnoxious Voice, but he was interrupted.

_You know, a lotta classes would be 'bout fit to kill after a stunt like that._

I'd never heard this guy before. "Er… I apologize?"

There was a chuckle. _Oh y'all don't need to worry none. I'm not lookin' for revenge just now or nothin'._

_Vhat are you doing here? Zhis is MY recruit; if you are upset vith vhat she did, at least haff zhe decency to settle it vhen I am not present, und vhen vhe are not in zhe middle of a game!_

_But it's like I said Doc; I'm not lookin' for revenge. Not yet anyways. I just want to put in a friendly little reminder that I'm around, and that I look after my own._

Well that was unsettling. "Excuse me, but I am confused. Vhat exactly vas zhat supposed to mean?"

_Oh, you seem like a bright girl. I'm sure y'all can figure it out._

_Zhank you for LEAVING,_ M.O.V. snapped. _Now, you. Can you please rein in your infantile urges und find someone to heal?_

"Egh… yes, sorry." I was watching the Engineer though. Memories were starting to come back from my own little experiments with Engineering and how utterly depressing it could be sometimes. And this guy wasn't just building sentries anywhere; he was on a Capture the Flag map where an Engineer was usually expected to hang out in one spot for the whole game while everyone else got in on the action. Talk about taking one for the team.

Feeling slightly abashed, I sidled over and started healing him, mainly just to show there were no hard feelings.

He responded by running toward the exit, shooting me a quick "Much obliged" over his shoulder.

_Vait, vhat is he doing?_

"I don't know." But I followed the guy anyways. It wasn't like anyone else was around at the moment, and I was curious.

When we got into the main area, it was completely deserted save for a single Spy, who my friend quickly dispatched. The sounds of explosions in the distance indicated that the rest of the team was occupied near one of the intel rooms, and sure enough we heard the announcement of "Success! We have secured the enemy intelligence!" No one joined us out there though.

And still that Engineer kept running for the other side.

A thought hit me, one that should have hit me when I first started following the guy out of our base. "…zhis is going to end badly."

_Perhaps, but zhat is zhe point of zhe experiment, ja? To see if zhe procedure vill succeed._

"I suppose, but—"

_Vithout zhe risk, zhere is no progress! Keep going Frauline; I vant to see vhat happens._

"You are very bossy." But I kept after the Engineer anyways. As we drew closer and closer to the other side's intelligence, I tensed. Any second we'd hear the beeping of a sentry or the tell-tale _thoomp thoomp_ of a Demoman laying out a welcome mat of sticky bombs. But as miraculous as it may seem, the room was completely clear. Whatever the rest of our team was up to, it seemed to have RED thoroughly distracted.

A BLU Scout bounced out of the room toward us, so I healed him as the Engineer scooped up the glowing RED briefcase. I just had to grin; we were halfway there.

_Zhat is odd._

"Vhat?"

_Don't you zhink it is strange zhat zhe Scout vould run out of zhe room vithout even glancing at zhe intelligence? It is almost as zhough he vere running from somezhing._

"Or perhaps he's just a ridiculous bouncing Scout vith very little sense." I traipsed in after my buddy so I could make sure his health stayed buffed.

That was about the time the RED Engineer barreled down the stairs, Pompson in his hands. By the building-less state of the room and the fact that we had the intel, I figured he wasn't in the best of moods.

"…oh. Vhell zhat's explained zhen."

We turned and ran, but really I wasn't too concerned. It was one Engineer with no sentry anyways, and there were three of us. Sure enough, the Scout zoomed past me into the intel room to deal with him. I turned to make sure he was all right.

Except the Scout never came back out. RED Engineer did. His goggles flashed as he started firing at my patient. A little cry let me know that he didn't miss.

_Ach, no! If you capture zhis zhen you vin zhe round! DO SOMEZHING!_

Now normally in a situation like this, Medics are encouraged to stick with their heal targets to keep them buffed. It would have been fairly easy to run next to and around him while healing the damage done by the enemy. I probably could have even used myself as a human shield by running behind him.

So naturally I hung back so the RED passed me and pulled out my trusty Blutsauger. "GET AVAY FROM MY ENGINEER!

Syringes flew with a truly intimidating _pew pew pew_ as I closed the gap between me and the other Engie. My aim went wide as we twisted through the little hall though, and not a single projectile hit its target. Zaps and grunts of pain from ahead told me that the enemy had no such problem with his Pompson.

_Your aim is terrible! Who taught you how to shoot?!_

"Aagh…" I had to reload as we came back into the open midway. RED was completely focused on shooting the intel-carrier and didn't so much as look over his shoulder for me. He might not have known I was still haring after him. All the better. And he was even being courteous enough to run in a straight line.

With a predatory grin, I emptied the clip of syringes into RED's back. He fell after a few seconds.

"HA!" Even as I switched back to the Medigun and gunshots (finally) rang out behind us, we made it back through the door into our base. So close now.

Past respawn we ran, past our team that had mysteriously reappeared, and in a moment we were back in the intel room. As I bounded down the steps though, the Engineer slowed. Just feet from the point, he turned to face me.

I couldn't believe it. "Vhat are you doing? Secure zhe intelligence!"

With a heartfelt grin he raised his Gunslinger-hand into the air for a high-five. "Heck yes!"

That was one of my favorite things to happen ever. Sure it took us three times to actually coordinate the taunt, and sure we were almost killed by the respawned RED Engineer and RED Spy while we were celebrating, but even if it had cost us the intel that hi-five would have been worth it. But they didn't kill us anyways, so no harm done.

So my worthy Engineer friend won the round, and I redeemed myself for being a jerk. I thought that was the end of it. But it was just getting started.


	3. Compromised Alliegances

I'm not sure how much time passed before I found myself playing on Hoodoo, and everything changed.

After a truly spectacular defeat that involved spawn camping, our team had been put on Defense. That meant I could use the Kritzkrieg and HUFF IT TO MY HEART'S CONTENT— erm, take people down with the crit-Übers. That's what I meant.

Anyways, after changing my loadout I spared a quick glance at our team composition to see who I'd be working with. Heavies, good, Soldiers and Demos, very good, Medic… wait, another Medic?

Don't get me wrong, I've played on teams where someone else played Medic too; it just generally doesn't happen unless it's obvious we'll lose without that extra healing factor. Even then you're more likely to have three Snipers and two Spies on one team than two Medics, especially on public servers where hardly anyone cares about team balance. But unlike the other support classes, having an extra healer around is generally pretty useful so long as you have plenty of pushing forces. They didn't NEED me to do it, maybe, but… no, no I'd already decided to be Medic because that was what I was good at. I had more fun when I contributed to my team's glorious and inevitable victory.

_A-course, there is one class missin' from your team if you're feelin' up to it._

I jumped. "Wha— you? Where's the other guy? I mean, why are you here? I promise I haven't been tormenting Engies or anything!"

_Oh I'd know if y'all had. Like I said, I like to keep an eye out for my own. That was a pretty nifty trick y'all pulled back there in Turbine by the way._

"Uh… thanks?" I shifted uneasily and looked at the timer. "Look, I don't want to sound rude or anything, but the round's about to start."

_I'll get to the point right quick then. Your team seems to be runnin' low on Engineers; why don't y'all try it out?_

"Uh…" How to politely say 'I'm not great at Engineer and don't want to be vivisected in my sleep by Mister Obnoxious Voice for being a traitor'? "I… don't know how much help I'd be, actually. I mean, the other team's good. They STEAMROLLERED us last round, and I don't think I've ever Engineer-ed on this map before."

He chuckled. _There's a first time for everything, right?_

"Well yeah, but… come on, I hardly even play Engie outside of King of the Hill maps! You don't want me representing your class out there, honest!"

_I know what I want better'n you do, so how 'bout y'all stop makin' excuses and step outside your comfort zone for a change?_

"But I'm a MEDIC!"

_But I bet y'all saw where the other team put down sentries last time, didn't you? Just do what they did but better._

"BUT—"

_Get goin'._

"Why are all you people so bossy?!" But I consented to leave spawn donning the helmet and overalls of an Engie just to make him happy, because to be honest that other guy scared me a little bit. Now to hope that I didn't screw up, do nothing to help my team, and get backstabbed a bajillion times. I set off after my teammates as soon as my teleporter entrance was down.

Now the first stage of Hoodoo has a big building the track runs past near the front of the map. Behind that there's a space where the defending team often rallies, since the building shields it from BLU spawn. This was where the REDs had put down their sentries last round, and that had obviously been pretty effective. I headed for this strategic point first, throwing down a dispenser and my teleporter exit before readying a sentry. But I hesitated.

_You sure y'all want to put that right there with your other buildings?_

"It's where the last team set up their sentries, ain't it?" Still, I didn't put the machine down. I was thinking about a certain little wall that ran in front of the building. It only came up to my waist and would only shield me from Snipers if I crouched. A sentry though… no one would be able to see it from their spawn, if I was right, and it would be in a good place to fire on the track.

He chuckled. _You doctor types like your experiments, doncha?_

"Yeah… yeah we do." There was time, probably. Half thinking 'this is a horrible idea and it's going to get blown up so fast what am I doing' I jogged out to the wall and started building. To my surprise it worked perfectly; even fully upgraded the sentry didn't stick out over the wall's cover. Still, it was going to be hard to get back and fix it if something happened, given how narrow the space between the wall and the building was, and it'd be easy prey for a Demoman who knew where it was. 'It's too late now,' I told myself. 'If they kill it they kill it, and I'll build another one.' With one last nervous look at BLU spawn I ducked into the safe haven with my dispenser. The Announcer's voice rang out.

"Three… two… one!" The sirens went off, and soon enough people were firing.

I quietly upgraded my equipment for the time-being, fully expecting BLUs to break through our front lines and blow me to pieces at any moment. But as time wore on and both my teleporter and dispenser reached level three, no one came back at me. Well of course, they were still down at the cart weren't they? I could tell that they were gaining ground though; every time I peeked out our lines were farther back. Any minute now they'd be right up on us. Soon I didn't have to leave the safety of my little dispenser haven to see our front lines. I was actually having to duck and hide on occasion as the bullets started flying. 'This is it, this is where I start sucking and failing and was that my name on the kill feed?'

I blinked at the little white box. Before I looked away, another box popped up— one more BLU killed by my sentry. And while the sentry went at it, my teammates closed in on the people gathered around the cart, riddling them with bullets and rockets and fire and the whole shebang. It wasn't too long before they were all dead or heading back with their tails between their legs. An involuntary grin stretched across my face. "I built that."

As soon as they were gone I darted forward to the wall, and to my relief the sentry was still standing. It was dented and on fire, sure, but it was THERE. Quickly I repaired the damage they'd done to the poor thing, banging on it nonsensically with my wrench until it was good as new. Then back to my hidey-hole to wait.

It kept going like this. And going. When anyone broke through, my teammates took them out, and I'd repair anything they'd managed to do to the dispenser or teleporter. Meanwhile my kills just kept going up. But there was no stopping the inevitable. And all too soon it happened with an explosion and a fizzling of electronics.

"SENTRY DOWN!"

I had to force myself not to run out there and start shooting every BLU in sight. It was just a sentry. Nothing but metal and wires and bullets. I could build a new one to replace it back here, where it was safe and I could repair it more easily. I'd gained my team plenty of precious time with that one, plus enough kills that I hadn't bothered keeping track of them. It wasn't a big deal that it was gone now.

But it was still very sad.

Pushing that to the back of my mind, I erected another sentry behind the building, working tirelessly to upgrade it before BLU returned. Our line held for the moment. And then—

_Fzzt._ I spun around to see a Pyro standing next to my dispenser. The machine had a hateful, sparking silvery device stuck to it.

Images of Spies treading smugly across my death-cam to destroy what I'd made flashed through my mind. Every building that burst into pieces just when I got close enough to dislodge a sapper, every Ambassador headshot, and every supposed team-mate who'd stuck a knife in my back roiled up in my mind like gasoline. And that last sentry's death sparked it into flames.

"SPAH SAPPIN' MAH DISPENSER!" Southern Hospitality held aloft, I charged.

It was all a flurry of anger and flying metal and the Spy's surprised face as he dropped his disguise. He got in a stab or two with his knife, but my back stayed to the wall. In close quarters, he couldn't do anything to me. And a few swipes from the Southern Hospitality were enough to bleed him out. He fell, and I stood over his ragdoll triumphantly, still seeing red. "Yeah, just TRY and take out any more-a my machines, you back-stabbin'—!"

"You're a MANIAC! Let's see some more!"

I blinked up at the intercom, startled. Had the Announcer just… what?

_Remember the dispenser!_

"Right." I whacked at it twice, and the sapper was dislodged. "Now when she said somethin' about a maniac, who was she talkin' about exactly?"

_You. Sounds like y'all had a right little kill streak goin' there._

I was speechless. Medics never got to just mow people down like that. I mean even if almost all of those were sentry kills… good grief, I felt like a monster. But in a good way.

My thoughts were harshly interrupted. _VHAT IS ZHIS?! VHAT… VHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? VITH ZHAT WRENCH?!_

Aaand this is why I should have stayed Medic. "What?! Y'all weren't supposed to— I mean, where were y'all earlier when the match started?!"

_Aw, don't be too hard on her Doc,_ the Other Guy put in, sounding just as laid-back as ever. _Sometimes a gal's just gotta—_

_DON'T YOU DARE START VITH ZHAT GARBAGE!_ M.O.V. snarled. _Just how long vhere you vaiting for zhe chance to take avay my recruits? I haff my attentions elsewhere for less zhan von match und—_

_Now let's not have any-a that, Doc, _Other Guy said a bit sharply. _She decided to give Engineerin' another try, and it just turned out she wasn't bad at it. That's not a crime last I checked._

"Uh, I didn't just _decide, _per se—" I put in, but it didn't seem like either voice wanted to listen.

_Vhat vould YOU do if I started snatching up YOUR followers Herr Engineer? Vould you still say zhis is not a crime? Vould you allow zhis to happen? NEIN! Und YOU! RECRUIT! How does it happen zhat you zhink ABANDONING YOUR CLASS is tolerable?! Explain zhis to me!_

It was only a matter of time before he noticed me again. I swallowed and said nothing. Now probably wasn't the best time to point out that we'd won, or that I'd made the M.V.P. list.

_Now look Doc, you're bein' unreasonable. Everyone's gotta take a break from their main class every now an' again, especially if they're... well, you know._

_I know VHAT, exactly?_

_Well, doin' somethin' non-combative like healin', that's all. It's not very excitin' y'see._

Mister Obnoxious Voice sounded like he was going to rupture something when he started screaming out his reply. _UNEXCITING?! VHAT IS ZHO EXCITING ABOUT LETTING A SENTRY DO ALL OV ZHE HURTING FOR YOU?! VHAT IS INTERESTING ABOUT HITTING ZHINGS VITH A WRENCH UND VAITING FOR ZHE ENEMY TEAM TO HIT YOU VITH ZHE EXPLOSIVES?!_

_Now wait just a minute, there is a WHOLE lot more to Engineerin' than just sittin' around and waitin'. Spahs alone—_

_Vell MAYBE zhe Spies vould haff a harder time KILLING you if you didn't sit in VON SPOT FOR ZHE ENTIRE GAME!_

As the volume rose and a good deal of completely incomprehensible German started getting thrown into the mix, I slunk off to play another match. So long as they were occupied with each other, maybe they'd leave me in peace and I could play whatever class I wanted.

The trouble was, of course, that they wouldn't leave me alone forever.


	4. Things Turn Ugly

_Ach, you are trying to snipe AGAIN? Svitch to Medic, schnell, before—_

_Nice try Doc. Now how about I help y'all mow down somma these cocky so-and-sos that keep bad-mouthin' you in the chat?_

_No one invited you to zhis game Schweinehund._

_That's the funny thing about public servers. I don't need nobody's permission to get in._

_Egh… vell regardless, Engineers are inefficient at assisting coordinated pushes zhrough zhe enemy lines. It vould be more prudent to—_

_Come on, I'm sure you'll have no trouble haulin' machines up behind your team. Dispensers and teleporters can be pretty indispensable, plus y'all can get a lotta kills that way._

_You mean, of course, zhat her SENTRIES can get zhe kills._

_It still counts. She got ten by repositioning her gun the other day. What's her top number of kills as a Medic again, four?_

_ZHAT IS COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT! Vhe Medics are supposed to assist our teammates, not pile up zhe glory for ourselves!_

_Fascinating, Doc. Oh, you know what sounds like fun right about now? Gettin' out the Gunslinger and headin' on over to Doomsday. Remember that one game where y'all were dominating three people at once? Betcha haven't done that as Medic yet._

_She may haff! But you are already in zhis game Fraulein; do not abandon your team vhen it is almost over!_

Yeah, that's about what playing TF2 was like for a while. Those two kept going at each other until a round on Gorge where… well I'll just tell you that I did very badly and drowned in Spies. Switching classes didn't help either. If I set up a sentry, it would get blown up/sapped immediately and I'd get stabbed in the back. If I was healing my teammates, I'd almost reach Über just in time to get stabbed in the back. And if I switched to Heavy or Soldier or anyone else, I would immediately be finished off by the people who had more practice in those classes than I did and occasionally stabbed in the back. The constant arguments ringing in my ears certainly didn't help, and it wasn't long before I turned in, defeated and completely worn out.

This meant that when I logged on the next day, I was determined to redeem myself.

I jumped onto a 24-7 Doublecross server I hadn't visited in a while and looked down to our team composition.

'What do we have here, plenty of Soldiers, but— oh.' I frowned; there was a Medic already, and what was more, no Engineers.

Now Capture the Flag was the one game mode I reserved completely for Medic-ing. The few times I had Engineered on CTF, I'd ended up almost hoping a Spy would show up and sap everything in the intel room just so I'd have something to do besides taunt sadly to myself. On the other hand, not having a sentry to guard the intelligence left our team at a serious disadvantage, and I WAS here to redeem myself after all. Generally speaking 'redeeming one's self' doesn't consist of letting necessary jobs get neglected.

'It's for the good of the team,' I thought grimly, and soon enough I was striding out of RED's spawn with a wrench in my hand, ready to put down my entry teleporter.

_FINALLY. Zhe pushing forces haff already left, zho you…_Mister Obnoxious Voice trailed off. I grimaced.

"Look, I'm real sorry, but this is one time they actually need an Engineer. I might play as Medic later dependin' on how things turn out though."

_Oh I understand perfectly. You vish to build machines instead of continuing along vith being a Medic. But if you zhink zhat you can just svitch classes vithout zhere being repercussions—_

"What— no! You know perfectly well that we don't gotta chance without someone makin' sure our intel stays safe! I mean, they NEED an Engineer, like I said!"

_Ja, vich explains ENTIRELY vhy you haff been abandoning your class for Engineer so much over zhe past few weeks!_ There was a huff of indignation. _Just remember zhat I am still here vatching, und I am NOT happy about zhis show of disloyalty Fraulein, not at ALL._He must have stormed off at this point, if that's possible, because it got quiet again.

"Oh for cryin' out loud…" I grumbled as I headed to the intel room. That's where doing the responsible thing gets you apparently: in trouble with supernatural TF2 class spirit guys.

Another familiar voice chuckled in my ear as I stepped through the door. _That doctor fella sure's got a short fuse._

"Yeah, somethin' tells me I'm gonna pay for this later," I replied before making my way up the stairs. The landing at the top seemed as good a spot for a sentry as any.

_Maybe you will, and maybe you won't,_ the Other Guy replied evenly. _What I do know is that y'all would be better off puttin' your sentry somewhere else. It seems like a good spot at first, but they can still hide under the stairs and avoid its line of sight when your gun's up here._

"I don't care. I'm just doin' this because no one else manned up to guard the stupid briefcase." I put my dispenser in the door that leads out to the walkway in case someone tried to catch me by surprise from that direction, then set up the sentry. "Besides, they still can't get at the intel without gettin' within range. It's not under the stairs."

_Suit yourself..._There was an unsaid 'I've done this about a million times more than you but do what you want' in the way he trailed off, but I ignored it. My mistake.

It worked at first of course because they didn't know I was there. A Soldier trundled through the door, the fully upgraded sentry hit him with a face full of rockets, and it was all over. Aaaand then this Scout showed up.

Now usually a Scout isn't something I worry too much about either as a Medic or as an Engineer. As a Medic I find that running backward and shooting syringes is a fairly easy tactic to take them down as they generally won't run from a fight with you. Something about pride and Medics not being a threat. As an Engineer they're a little trickier since you've got no health advantage over them and a significantly slower speed, but if you stay near your sentry they're often not much more than NEED A DISPENSER HERE shouting nuisances that die in about three seconds.

Except sometimes they know what they're doing, like this guy.

Long story short, he blew my dispenser away before I could do anything about it, ducking around the corner to avoid my pistol and the sentry. Then he killed me. And then that Soldier who'd respawned came back through the door and blew my sentry to pieces.

When I finally got back to the intel room, they'd taken the briefcase.

_Well, that didn't work,_ came a mild voice. _Why don't we try somethin' different?_

I sighed, secretly grateful he hadn't said 'I told you so'. "Right. Somethin' different." I threw down an exit teleporter under the stairs, got some more ammo, then worked my way over to the far right-hand corner to erect a replacement sentry. As soon as that was done, I turned around just in time to see a Soldier and, get this, another Engineer waltz through the door. I frowned.

"I've got this place covered! Why's he hornin' in on mah territory?"

_Oh, vhere you vorking in here?_ came a voice torn between feigned innocence and vindictive pleasure. _It seems zhat some of zhe ozer players do not zhink you are doing a good job._

"What, did y'all put him up to this?"

_Now vhy vould I do somezhing like zhat?_

Wow. That's kinda low Doc, even for you.

Oh yes, almost as low as trying to steal recruits—

You know darn well I didn't steal nobody!

I ignored them and the newcomer for the moment and, grumbling under my breath, moved to set up a dispenser next to the teleporter. "Soldier— oh come ON, that's obviously not a teleporter ENTRANCE, get offa there! Move it!" After shooing away my bemused teammate, I moved into place and erected the dispenser. As soon as it was up, the other Engineer made one right next to it. M.O.V. started howling with laughter.

I couldn't believe my eyes. "WHY DOES EVERYONE ON MAH TEAM HAVE A SACK-A GRAVEL FOR BRAINS?!"

_Heh… he's probably just inexperienced, not stupid. But it looks like they've got this room covered. Why don't y'all move that dispenser somewhere else? Somewhere it might get more traffic?_

Seething, I packed up the newly deployed dispenser and hauled it arduously back toward the front of the base. It was probably a good thing I'd gotten out of there. Before I'd even reached the front entrance, the sound of an explosion reached my ears. Simultaneously a new white box appeared in the corner of the screen. My stomach plummeted. "SENTRY DOWN!"

_Now don't go runnin' back there!_ the Other Guy cut in quickly. _You were gonna have to move it anyways, remember?_

"They keep DESTROYIN' ALL OF MAH STUFF," I replied. Part of me wanted to turn around and blow everyone away. Well, run at the other team and get blown up trying to get revenge, because that's what would have actually happened.

_Letting it get to you ain't gonna bring it back. Just take care-a that dispenser first, then see about buildin' a new gun._

As ticked as I was, the Other Guy was right. There was no point suiciding over a sentry. With a stiff nod I ran— well, trudged slowly and laboriously toward the door before redeploying the machine smack up against the wall to one side. There. Anyone holding the bridge would have an easy time running back to refill their health and ammo. Now to find somewhere ELSE to place a sentry.

_Unless, of course, you decided to svitch classes. You said you vere only being an Engineer because zhere vere no ozers on your team, und now zhere are._

My eyes narrowed to slits, but I remembered who I was talking to. The last thing I needed was supernatural sabotage because I'd run my mouth at the embodiment of my patron class. "Thanks, but I got this far as Engie," I gritted out. "I'm stickin' with it 'til the end-a the match at least."

M.O.V.'s response was a haughty sniff, which seemed safe to ignore for the time-being. Okay, time to buckle down and get serious about this. I pulled out my build tool, set it to sentry, and made my way up the stairs toward spawn.

_So!_ The Other Guy sounded far more cheerful than I felt. _Where do y'all plan on stickin' that thing?_

"I dunno. Maybe on that little walkway that runs through the… wait." I stopped dead on the landing halfway up the stairs, gazing out at the main room. It was a nice raised area… and it would be hard to get to this spot without being in the line of sight of whoever— or whatever— was positioned here.

_Yeah?_

"…it's kinda hard to get to the intel without comin' through here first, ain't it? You'd have to rocket-jump up from that area by the lower bridge or double jump or somethin'. And that means anyone who's the wrong class or not good at that kinda thing…" I edged to the wall, noting that the main entrance to the sewers came up just to my right. It'd be difficult to sneak in that way either if there was a gun here. My spirits lifted a little.

"Yeah, I know where I'm gonna put it."

_Good._You could almost hear the grin in the Other Guy's voice. I wasted no time at all putting that sentry as close to the edge of the top step as I could before moving the dispenser on the landing as well. No one was using the darn thing at the moment anyways. Once everything was in place and upgraded, I sat back to wait.

"Come on BLU. Come and just try to take on this gun," I growled, feeling much more eager than I should have.

BLU obliged.

It's always fun when people run across your sentry just after you get it set up. The other team is taken completely by surprise, and if they're not paying attention or don't have much health to start out, you can get a nice few kills in that first rush. I smiled as the first wave dissolved into confusion. You couldn't blame the BLUs; after all, they had to fight off my teammates and the level-three sentry at the same time. They were smart enough to pull back at least. Then came the real test.

A Demoman surged forward in front of me and the sentry, lobbing grenades to bounce around at my feet. I topped off my health and ammo at the dispenser quick as I could as they detonated, then went back to repairing the gun. My attacker was dead before I'd finished fixing it.

There was no time to rest though. A Heavy stepped up to take his place, emptying that minigun on me and the gun even as it pushed him back with a steady flow of bullets. Well I wasn't having none of that. My shotgun came up, and one blast finished off the little bit of life the Heavy had left. I positively crowed with glee as I went back to the dispenser.

"Yeah, you gotta get up PRETTY early in the morning to pull somethin' like that over on— NO YOU DON'T!"

One of our Snipers had slipped up out of the sewers and attached a sapper to the sentry. Seriously? I'd just taken on a Demoman and a Heavy intent on destroying my machines and come out on top; there was no way some lily-livered Spah was going to get the best of me! I rushed forward, swinging that trusty Southern Hospitality with all the strength I had, and with an almighty "AAAAUGH!" died with a knife in my back.

…yeah, maybe I'd been a tad overconfident there.

I waited to respawn, starting to panic. That sentry was toast, and I'd JUST gotten it into position too!

_Y'all really need to stop gettin' so uptight about every little thing._

"But I just got it set up and perfect!" I wailed. "If I don't get there soon, the sapper'll finish that poor gun off and BLU'll just walk right over—"

_If y'all were watchin' the kill feed, you'd have seen that one-a your Pyro buddies got it with a Homewrecker._

"…Pyros actually DO that sometimes?" For some reason this surprised the heck out of me.

_Sure they do, especially the good ones._ The Other Guy chuckled. _Now get out there and try to be a little less cocky. You're gonna do somethin' real stupid if you're not careful._

"Right, sorry 'bout that," I replied sheepishly as I poofed back into spawn. Okay, no fooling around for REAL. It was time to get out there and do this right. I stepped out the spawn door and immediately shouted "SPAH SAPPIN' MAH SENTRY! AGAIN!"

I flailed down the stairs, feeling much more panicky and less sure of myself than I had the first time around. And there was that Spah, still disguised as a Sniper, waiting for me. But apparently someone else had done him a bit of damage before I got to him.

SMACK! One hit and he was out for the count. Wait wait… could it have been that easy? I swung wildly at the air in case he'd been using the Dead Ringer. But… agh, there was no time, my sentry!

Feeling very uneasy, I spun around and whacked the sparking box off of the gun. This was followed immediately by cheering and a trophy floating over my head.

"An achievement for that, really?" I looked down at the little black box in the bottom right corner of the screen, labeled **Get Along!** _Manage to get to and then remove a sapper placed on your building when you were several meters away._That was one I'd been trying to get for a while.

An almost disbelieving smile crossed my face as I reveled in the moment, sentry fire and death-cries ringing in my ears like a symphony. This was quite possibly one of the best Engineer rounds I'd ever had.

The match didn't last for too long after that, but it was marked by the same level of intensity. I sneaked into the other team's sewers once or twice and even managed to set up a teleporter, though it got destroyed before anyone could use it. The sentry, sadly enough, didn't last through the end of the match, but it happened at a time that I could replace it fairly easily. By the time we capped the intelligence for the final time, I felt that I had done my part and thoroughly enjoyed it.

"WHOO-EEE! WHO'S READY FOR ANOTHER ROUND?" I shouted as I spawned, raring for a repeat performance.

That was when I noticed that over half the people on the server had left. There were legitimately three people on my team now, including myself.

"Seriously?" My spirits sank back to where they usually resided. "Come on, after a great round like that everyone's gonna turn in?"

_It vould appear so,_came a curt voice. My spirits sank a little lower, at least partially out of guilt. But I didn't get the chance to reply before the Other Guy spoke up.

_What's the matter Doc? Upset that she had a good time?_

No. I am simply…

M.O.V. paused for a moment, then sighed. _Disappointed, I suppose. I did zhink she vas a good Medic. Impulsive und prone to acts of childish stupidity, perhaps, but… vell it doesn't matter, does it?_

"Whoa now," I put in, alarmed. "I didn't say anything about giving up on bein' a Medic."

_You don't haff to pretend you enjoy zhe healing for my sake,_ M.O.V. replied flatly. _I am not a Dummkompf; I saw how much you enjoyed yourself out zhere tonight._

"Well yeah but… come on, you guys are ridiculous. This is a game; it's not like I'm getting married or somethin'. I can branch out and try different things without quitting being a Medic, can't I?"

_But you haffen't been TRYING different zhings; you haff been ENGROSSING yourself in zhem! Vhy are you choosing to be an Engineer on maps vhen zhere is no Medic for zhe team? Vhy are you playing round after round vithout once even checking zhe team composition anymore?_

"Look, I…" I rubbed the back of my neck. "I'm sorry if I've been neglectin' my… duties or whatever as your recruit. How 'bout I play a round as Medic right quick to make it up to y'all?"

_Zhere doesn't seem to be much of a point. Zhere are only two ozer players on your team. One is a twitchy little Scout, und zhe ozer…_He trailed off, and I turned to see who the other one was exactly.

A Heavy stood a little to one side, facing me. The odd thing was that he didn't have his minigun out; he was holding his shotgun.

"Not too experienced, is he? I guess he'll need someone to look out for him." And didn't THAT sound like fun, babysitting a newbie Heavy.

_Somehow I do not zhink so Fraulein. But, ah… yes, zhis could turn out quite vell, quite vell indeed…_

"What are y'all talkin' about?"

_Nozing, just change to Medic und keep zhat Heavy in your sights. I vant to try somezhing. Zhis could be very… interesting._

Nonplussed, I slipped to the change class screen and hoisted on my Kritzkrieg obediently. "It vould be nice if you vould tell me vhat you vere planning every now und again."

"Mission begins in ten seconds." Crap, I needed to buff the Heavy. Even if it was a derp match, I couldn't keep my Medic instincts from kicking in. He turned to me as his health went over its maximum capacity.

_You vill find out soon enough. Now get ready._

"Mission begins in five… four… three… two… ONE!" cried the Announcer. The Heavy waddled out after the Scout, and I followed curiously.

He didn't seem interested in defending our base or anything. Instead, he kept 'running' straight for their base, shotgun out, shouting voice commands on occasion like "GO GO GO!" and "MEDIC!" The overuse of the Medic call didn't bother me this time since there was no one else around to heal. It was more like he was simply acknowledging my presence than trying to annoy me. A small, amused smile worked its way onto my face. What was this odd patient of mine up to?

As we finally made our way into BLU's base, a rocket whistled past to explode against the ground nearby. I yelped and hid behind my buddy; no reason to pull out my syringe gun just yet. It'd be better to wait until the Soldier wasted some ammo and life on him, then maybe I'd have time to run back to the relative safety of our base.

Or, you know, the Heavy could kill him with his shotgun. Which he did.

"Vhat— how?!" My smile grew in my utter astonishment as we kept going, straight to the glowing blue briefcase in the intel room. I stepped to one side to let him get it; so far as I was concerned, he'd earned it.

As soon as he picked it up though, a Scout ran in to take care of him. I didn't intervene; it would be interesting to see how the Heavy responded. It was good that I did, because I didn't expect him to pull out his Holiday Punch covered fists. The Scout danced around swinging his bat, but the Heavy finally hit him solidly in the back. This, of course, made the BLU stand completely still laughing for one glorious moment. That was long enough for my friend to get in a taunt kill.

"POW! HA HA!"

I cackled. "Vell done Kamerad, now let's return zhe intelligence to our base!"

We turned around and waddled as fast as we could to our territory. But on the bridge we met a very angry respawned Soldier. Even with a popped Kritz it wasn't enough this time. The Heavy and the Soldier managed to kill each other.

I looked down at the briefcase blankly, then scooped it up. "FOR ZHE HEAVY!" And I delivered the intelligence back to the base before waiting for him to respawn.

It was, in short, a group of some of the most fun matches I've had on Team Fortress 2 ever. We didn't really win a lot of them; what with other people popping in and out or switching classes, there was usually someone there who could take out a Shotgun-Heavy. Still, I helped him cap the intel at least five or six times and capped it twice myself. At times we'd get separated; there was one point where he got burned to death by a Pyro in our own base, and I had to finish the thing off. When he respawned I was still standing by his smoldering corpse with a smile on my face, ready for another stupid and glorious adventure. And when he hid in the corner after we lost a match, I stood in front of him while the enemy advanced, acting as a human shield. Yeah, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

But the point is that it was AMAZING. Better than being an awesome killing machine even.

"I don't know how I ever doubted you," I told M.O.V. as I followed the Heavy out of BLU's base. He had their intel, and I was keeping an eye out for enemies. "Zhis is zhe most fun I've had on a server in— AAAAAUGH!"

That was me, dying because a Scout I had needled to death earlier had bashed my head in as revenge.

_Ja. It is easy to forget vhy one joins our class._ M.O.V. kept going as though I hadn't just met a brutal and bloody end. _Between zhe frustrations of ozer team members' incompetence und a hardship vhen it comes to killing your opponents singlehandedly, few ever last long enough to realize vhat amazing zhings are possible BECAUSE of zhe Medics. You don't zhink your Heavy friend vould haff lasted long vithout you tonight, do you?_

I didn't answer. I was staring at the inside of BLU spawn in shock.

**AUTOBALANCE! TheBuggiest has been moved to the other team!**

"No… no zhis is NOT happening!" I ran out the door and looked down. My friend was crouched in the middle of their— no, my base, clutching the blue briefcase. RED's intel was beside him on the floor.

I leapt down over the railings to land in front of him. He stared at my blue labcoat but didn't move to attack just yet. Knowing it wouldn't work, that it was pointless, I aimed my Kritzkrieg at him and pulled back the switch.

Nothing happened.

I lowered it and shook my head. I wasn't going to fire at him, I wasn't going to try to take his intel, and it wasn't just because he would probably stomp me into the ground if I tried.

He nodded, apparently in understanding.

Then my new teammate BLU Soldier bounced past and tore holes in him with his shotgun. Heavy fought back, but he just didn't have enough HP left. Without me there to keep him overhealed, he succumbed to his injuries and died. The Soldier dully picked up the red briefcase and turned back toward the BLU intel room.

I just watched.

The Announcer proclaimed our victory in a matter of seconds, though it wasn't really mine for multiple reasons. Most of BLU celebrated with explosions and a thorough search to find RED's last remaining team member.

I celebrated by throwing myself off the bridge. Because that was poetic, or something.

In a matter of seconds the next match started, but I was alone in BLU spawn. Almost everyone had left the server for the night besides me. Almost.

_I told y'all that you'd do somethin' stupid if you weren't careful,_came a quiet voice.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, frowning. "That wasn't my fault. The stupid server switched me to the other…"

And then it clicked.

"So… so that was you? You triggered the Autobalance?"

_Yeah._

My frown grew more pronounced as this newfound information really sank in. "Why would you DO that? I was part of a team! We were doing awesome things and tauntkilling people and… I mean did you SEE when I got revenge on that Demoman? Why would you ruin something like that?!"

_Let me make one thing abundantly clear,_ the Other Guy replied, slow and unhurried as though we were just talking about the weather. _People call me a nice guy, and that's because on the whole I am a nice guy. But I don't take kindly to bein' walked over, or taken advantage of, or put aside as soon as someone's tired of watchin' sentries. And as nice as I can be, I've got a looong memory. Do you think I picked y'all out just because I wanted to see if you'd make a good Engineer? Do y'all really think for one instant that your stupid stunt back in Turbine didn't have somethin' to do with it? Every time you've Übered some rock-headed friend-a yours and torn straight through the machines one of my own has labored over, every time you've managed to worm people past sentries by keeping 'em healed just enough to get by… that's the reason I picked you. I wanted y'all to know what it was like on my side of things. You needed to make things and see 'em get ripped to pieces in front of your eyes._

I was speechless. I half wished Mister Obnoxious Voice would turn up and start screaming again.

_Then y'all had the gall to ENJOY it. Well I had a choice to make, and it was pretty plain that if I couldn't knock some sense into you, I could at least pull you over to my side. Except y'all apparently don't wanna do that either. And that leaves us where we are now._

"Uh…" I swallowed, feeling very wrong-footed. "Uh… I suppose it does."

_Well, think on that anyways. Maybe I've made my point, and maybe I haven't. Just remember what I said when we first met, 'doctor': I'm around, and I look after my own. Goodnight._


	5. Reconciliation

Knowing the Other Guy hadn't actually picked me was a bit of a letdown. Mister Obnoxious Voice's oblivious comments on his absence made it worse.

_Vell I am glad to see you playing Medic a bit more often, meine Schüler._

"Yeah."

_After all, I may haff been zhe slightest bit in zhe wrong vhen I got so angry about you playing as Engineer; zhey do haff zheir uses, unlike some ozer classes I could name… but anyvays you really are much better suited for my class._

"Uh huh."

_Herr Engineer seems to haff realized it as well. Ozervise, vell, he vould still be interrupting us in zhe middle of games, vouldn't he?_

"Whatever you say."

_Are you all right Fraulein? You are much less talkative zhan usual._

"Yup. Just fine."

_Ah, das ist gut. For a moment I zhought you veren't listening._

"Mm."

And so on.

I didn't give up on Engineering or anything, of course. I'd gotten enough practice in to be a valuable asset when our team was lacking sentries and dispensers. But I did find myself going back to the old pattern of playing Medic unless we really didn't need one. When Mann versus Machine came out, however, it became a lot harder to avoid Engineering. I'm assuming you guys have played at least one round of MvM, so you know exactly how integral a good Engie is there. Medics are still viable, sure, but their limited damage output and need to focus on healing others puts more pressure on the other five (or less) players, so far as killing robots goes. Meanwhile Engineers can set up dispensers to heal the team while using a Wrangled sentry to deal damage; it's very rarely that I've won a round when no one played Engineer. It didn't take long for me to figure this out, and soon I found myself nervously, hesitantly taking up a wrench when it came time to beat the tar out of some robots.

M.O.V. was much more pleasant about it than he might have been, to my surprise. I guess he was just happy that Engineering was reserved pretty well to my MvM experiences, and that the Other Guy was leaving me alone.

So a few weeks after the co-op mode came out, I decided to play a round on Mannworks with a couple of friends of mine (a Soldier and a Scout, to be specific). The lot of Engineering had once again fallen to me, and I dutifully hefted my wrench before making my way to the upgrade station.

_I see y'all are playin' Engineer again._

I froze. "YOU? What are you... h-how long have y'all been...?"

_Long enough._

"Uh... well." I regained my composure and began purchasing my upgrades. There was a nervous waver in my voice I just couldn't quite get rid of. "Yeah. Yeah, I still play Engineer when I need to."

Aaand that was when M.O.V. popped in again. _Vhat are YOU doing here?! I zhought you had given up on zhe Fraulein!_

"Guys, please."

_I don't see how my whereabouts at any given time are any of your business Sawbones, _Other Guy said coolly. _Maybe I just wanted to come watch a match. Is that so hard to believe?_

_Ja, it is razer hard to believe *Laborer*._

_Now listen here buddy, I don't take that crap from Spah and I'm sure as heck not takin' it from you._

_Oh no, did I hurt your feelings? Zhe poor baby._

Now this qualified as a rather stressful situation. I don't like listening to people argue at the best of times, and when I'm already under pressure from two friends and three strangers to set up my stuff so we can start a game... let's just say I didn't respond well.

"LOOK." I spun to face them before realizing I was lecturing disembodied voices so that was pointless. "Look, both of you. I'm sick-a listenin' to this. And I don't just mean today; every single time y'all talk you go at each other like dogs, and I'm SICK. Of. It. M.O.V., I AM gonna play other classes sometimes. That's how the game works, and Other Guy is NOT tryin' to steal me away from y'all or anything. He made that real clear last time we talked."

_I vasn't insinuating-_ M.O.V. said in an offended tone, but I cut him off.

"Other Guy, yeah. I still Engineer sometimes, just like I told you. Now if you're gonna rig the game so the enemy only comes after me or somethin', whatever. Go ahead. I don't care anymore. I just want you two to shut your traps if y'all can't talk without fighting."

He didn't answer. If memory served correctly his silence was seldom a good sign, but it was like I said. I was done with this nonsense. Without another word I left spawn and started to set up my gear.

We did... okay, at first. I set up, and my buddies ran around dealing damage and collecting all the money they could. It would have been more fun if it wasn't for our other teammates constantly chucking out insults and criticizing how everyone was playing.

_Agh, zhey are not even doing so vell zhemselves. Are you vatching zhis?_ came an indignant voice.

"Nope. Busy." I kept whacking at my sentry to keep it loaded and firing. It's hard to watch what your teammates are doing as an Engineer when your machines are constantly under fire.

MOV hesitated. _I, ah... I understand zhat you are displeased vith me, but surely you can see vhy I am suspicious of Herr Engineer. Zhere are not many players who choose to stay vith our class for very long before svitching to anozer as zheir main._

I rolled my eyes. "Ive stuck with y'all this long. If I was gonna up and leave you I'd-a done it all ready." I paused. "Besides, I'm not real good at any of the other classes. The lag keeps me from doin' well at anything that needs me to aim consistently, and Engineer-"

"HEADS UP ENGINEERS: A SENTRY BUSTER HAS ENTERED THE AREA!"

I froze as the tell-tale beeping started, accompanied by the clangs of robot feet. Sure enough that enormous mine on legs was charging across the battlefield, its sights set on me and my sentry.

Well crap. My eyes flicked over to the chat out of reflex.

**IDOT PICK UP UR SENTRI N RUN**

**MOVE WAZ RONG WIT U**

"Agh, hang on!" My initial thought was to wait until the sentry buster got closer so it would arm itself while I was running away. But as the guys we were playing with seemed so insistent, and everything was happening so fast, um...

I panicked, grabbed my sentry, and ran for it.

_What the heck are y'all doin'?!_

"I don't know!" I darted back into the depression behind the building where my stuff had been set up. The bomb-on-legs was still pounding after me.

_I am all for experimentation Fraulein, but zhis is SUICIDE!_

_Doc's right, y'all won't be able to outrun this sucker!_

"Well it's a little late NOW, ain't it?!" I spun around, looking for a means of escape, but it was too late. The robot was closing in. The clangs of its feet stopped. Its beeping sped up as it armed itself.

In a last ditch attempt to escape I threw myself forward.

The world dissolved in a flash of white, and the clock started ticking down until I would respawn.

**TOLD U TO WAIT UR SUCH A RETARD Y U DO THAT**

**YA U CANT FIX RETARD**

I gritted my teeth, feeling a weird mixture of anger and humiliation.

**Hey, what's going on? **It was my Scout friend checking up on me.

**I did something stupid, and they jumped my case about it.**

**Jerks. Want me to shut them up for you?**

Funny how someone getting mad on my behalf was enough to make my anger evaporate. Suddenly my heart was somewhere down near my gut. **No. It's fine. I really did screw up. Thanks though.**

I popped back into respawn, but I didn't leave immediately.

_Ah... Fraulein? Are you all right?_

"Yeah. Just... sorry. I thought I could play Engineer and not suck." My gaze went to the ground. "Guess I had to find out sooner or later that I wasn't good at it."

_Vhat are you talking about? You made EINS mistake, zhat is all!_

There was a noncommittal noise from the Other Guy. I scowled.

"I'm done okay? You win. That's the end-a it. After I'm done with this game, I'm not focusing on playin' Engie anymore."

I waited for his reply. It never came. Well that was fine by me; the last thing I wanted to do was talk about what had happened with him anyways.

M.O.V. intruded on my thoughts. _Vait, vait. Vhy vould you giving up on Engineering mean zhat he von?_

"Er... long story. Come on, let's just get this over with." I shook my head and, feeling quite disheartened, walked out to finish our game.

Unfortunately there was something wrong with the settings on our server. Instead of letting us keep going until we won our game, the map reset after we lost two waves. I said this was unfortunate, but it did mean that my chance to stop playing Engineer came quickly, which was something of a relief.

_You know, as much as I do like you playing Medic more often, it seems to me zhat you *might* be overreacting,_ M.O.V. said slowly as we waited for the map to load.

"Maybe. I'm taking a break for now though. I just..." The words were having a hard time encompassing that looming shadow of perceived incompetence in my head.

_You just vhat, Fraulein?_

"Oh forget it. The game's going to start soon anyways."

Coaltown came first, and I Medic-ed. As I said before though, playing Medic on MvM puts a lot of pressure on the remaining members of your team. If they're having trouble with aim or anything, well, you probably won't win. And that is exactly what happened. After two humiliating defeats, lots of chatbox jeering from the strangers, and some fun taunt-wars during set up, Coaltown was over and we moved on to Decoy. I frowned at the screen.

"Well... I think I might try something else this time," I put in slowly.

_Oh?_ M.O.V. sounded a little suspicious. _Somezhing else like vhat?_

"Well Heavy's not too hard to aim. Maybe-"

_OH, ja, Heavy is a vonderful idea! Go vith zhat!_ M.O.V. said enthusiastically. _Heavies are zho easy to keep up vith und to hide behind, und sometimes zhey even give out Sandviches vhen your health is low! Zhere is none of zhis silly shield-bashing or explosives-jumping you get vith some ozer pushing classes I could name._

"Er... thanks, I know that already. And I'm not FOLLOWING one this time, I'm BEING one."

_Yes, vell... still I approve. Continue Fraulein._

I rolled my eyes, hoisted Sascha off the ground, and made my ponderous way to the upgrade station.

We did marginally better this time, though unfortunately my Scout friend had to leave and we still weren't doing great. At the very least I got to have some fun punching my Soldier buddy while waiting for people to hit F4. She was sporting enough to hit me back with her shovel and spam voice commands at me.

_Hmm... it seems your chatbox Freunden are getting razer irate about somezhing or ozer._

"I do not care about stupid baby men." Not quite true, but I had glanced over and seen that the comments had nothing to do with me. There was no reason to give up my boxing session to read it in full. I crouched and tried to flank the Soldier, chortling all the while because punching people in the butt is fun sometimes.

_It is a bit more intense zhan last time. I vonder if- agh, vhat is zhis silliness? Vhy are you punching zhe Soldier?_

"Is fun, Doktor! And I am still waiting on other players!" I punched Soldier buddy in the back of her knees. _"Poot dispenser here!"_

She crouched and spun to face me. _"Deploy a dispenser here!"_

_"Da!"_

_"No SIR!"_

"DUDE JUST HIT F4 ALREADY!"

I blinked and looked up. One of the strangers had spoken up over the voice chat, but there was something unexpected about his voice. Namely that it was less a voice and more a weird cross between a high-pitched whine and a squeal. M.O.V. burst out laughing.

_You are playing vith Kinder? Oh ZHAT explains a gut deal!_

A disbelieving smile crossed my face. Was this the idiot whose opinion I'd been worrying about? He couldn't have hit puberty yet! Oh THAT was icing on the cake. How could I have been so concerned with what that squeaker had to say? That might make me age-ist, but in my defense he was asking for it.

"Leetle man is BABY! HA!"

_I take it y'all don't care all that much about his comments from earlier anymore, huh?_

"No, I do not care about what leetle stoopid-" And I stopped, because the vocal equivalent of a satisfied smile was practically dripping from Other Guy's words. "Wait... did Engineer...?"

_Oh, I might-a had somethin' to do with it. I can be pretty persuasive when I feel up to it._

Cue a moment of stunned silence on my behalf, because this just didn't tally with our history. "...I do not understand. Why did you do this for me?"

_Well, it's like I said before partner. I look out for my own._

I was speechless.

_Egh... I suppose I should be happy about zhis._

Oh yeah, M.O.V. was still there. This was awkward... but hey I felt too good to care. "Is good Doktor. Maybe can be friends and play together. Engineer is not mad at me anymore."

_Vhy vas he so mad at you before? I feel as zhough I am missing an integral piece of zhis little puzzle._

_Oh, I might-a sabotaged a round-a yours a while back,_ Other Guy said easily. _Remember that autobalance mishap that happened back on Doublecross?_

_YOU did zhat?_ I groaned, because M.O.V. was bristling again. _I cannot believe-! VHY didn't you tell me Fraulein?_

"Aag, no fighting now! I am playing game!"

Other Guy laughed. _Y'all go on ahead. I'll settle things with the Doc._

_Settle zhings vith me?! Vhat is ZHAT supposed to mean Schweinehund? You haff some SERIOUS explaining to do!_

I shook my head and spun up my gun as the last person hit F4. There was no reconciling those two.

You don't need to know a lot more about the rest of the round. Suffice it to say I ended up back on Mannworks once everyone from our original party left, and I managed to escape from two or three Sentry Busters unaided.


End file.
